if being a woman is not enough to keep you confident, open this

be a different person by noon tomorrow

When we think of changes that will alter our brain chemistry and help us become better, more confident women, we think big. We think grand. We think lots of energy. We think lots of effort. We think lots of time. We think tears. We think of heartache as we unlearn whatever we’ve known until we decide to change.

But what if I told you that’s not always the case?

What if I told you 10 microscopic habits can create a more confident version of the woman you were?

Ten.

Microscopic.

Instant.

Instead of trying to convince you, let me explain so that you can begin. I want you unstoppable by noon.

And don’t fret. This is no Cinderella story. You won’t lose your magic when the lunch bell sounds at twelve.

Photo by Tânia Mousinho on Unsplash

1. Choose your color palette. Go through your photos and find ten pictures when you felt/looked your best. There will be a pattern. Most times, colors will begin to repeat themselves. You’ll notice how lovely blue looks on you or how red turns heads. Even yours. Write down the colors from each photo. The top 3-4 colors are yours. While I’d suggest you get rid of any pieces in your wardrobe that aren’t part of this palette, I don’t want to scare you away. Keep your threads, but begin to work more of your favorites into the wardrobe while purging the others. Once your palette is finalized, wear it. Wear it every day. Wear it every night. Wear it every evening.

2. Oil pulling or teeth whitening strips. Every night. Don’t skip a night. Your smile is one of the first things someone sees—near or far. Sometimes, the lack of confidence you experience is a result of your personal insecurities pertaining to your teeth. The discoloration, the puffiness of your gums, etc. Clean up your smile by giving it the same attention you give other parts of your body you want to change.

3. Take a walk every day. Not only will it free your mind, but it will build discipline. It will build healthy habits. It will help you burn unwanted calories. It will give you time alone. You’ll feel good. You’ll look even better. The trust you will begin to build with the inner voice in your head will be priceless. Sometimes, there are so many people (strangers on the socials) in your head that you can’t hear your own voice. Quiet them with a 30-60 minute walk.

4. Start saving. It doesn’t have to be $500 a month. It doesn’t have to be $300 a month. Take a minute, sit down, do the math, and find out what’s possible. Once you’ve determined a number and a frequency, begin to add to your savings. Never miss a month, week, or bi-week. If so, double the next round.

5. No scroll policy. Implement a no-scroll policy on weekdays. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of scrolling social media weekly, every time you get a break, but you don’t have to. Social media is forcing us into a cycle of mind-fucks that are shrinking our attention span so rapidly that small tasks like cooking now require entertainment or frequent stops to check the socials. If you don’t have the willpower to stop scrolling on weekdays, then create a list of non-negotiables. Ex: No scroll while cooking. No scroll while at work. No scroll while in the bathroom. No scroll while watching a movie. Win your brain over again. Use your hands. Find a hobby. Rest. Anything but scroll.

6. Create a nightly ritual. Not a routine. A ritual. Something that caters to your needs and helps you recover from the day’s hardships. This ritual will be your center. It will help you release what doesn’t belong to you and remember what does. It will recenter you every night, preparing you for the world the next day. (Can include a bubble bath on Wednesdays… A mixed drink on Thursdays. Dinner in bed on Tuesdays. Full skincare routine on Mondays and Fridays. That one Huffington Fragrance House Parfum Oil on the skin before bed. Whitening strips. Pin curling hair. Listening to Jazz on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Sade on Mondays. An episode of that new show every Friday night. Silk pajamas on Sunday. Reading Substack on Sunday nights.)

7. Reducing impact to your nervous system. STOP RUNNING BEHIND everywhere you go. It’s you. I promise. Tardiness will send your confidence through the floor more times than not. Because, yes, the outfit is gorgeous, but the event will be over in five minutes. Carve out the time you need to be sure you’re no more than ten minutes late to any function. And then add an hour because something will likely go wrong. Oil on your blouse, a tear in your stockings, or a lost shoe, or traffic, a fit malfunction, or a makeup disaster.

8. Remember names. Remember details. Remember what they last said. Learn to contribute to conversations. It’s chic. It’s thoughtful. It’s considerate. I’ve explained this in ‘to the girls who desire to be sickeningly feminine’ ep 1.

9. Stop overexplaining. Seriously. Say it and leave it. There’s no need to explain, because then you’ll overexplain. And then you’ll talk too much. And then you’ll feel like a fish that has been cut down the center. You’ll regret your words as they tumble from your lips and a long time after.

10. Remain studious. Teach yourself. And be willing to learn when someone is sharing information you didn’t have beforehand. Knowledge is a prominent portion of the foundation of a truly confident woman—not one performing. Continued education deserves the confidence that accompanies it.

Bonus: Stop attaching age to accomplishments. By thirty, you should be doing whatever your timeline, financial circumstances, energy, and alignment allow, not what that other thirty-year-old is doing. Your timeline isn’t theirs. That would just be boring and predictable.

And there you have it. Tiny, tiny habits that will change the way you walk, talk, and behave by noon tomorrow.

Before you go, do me a favor… Tell me one habit that augments your confidence every day. The one you’re not willing to compromise. The one that you refuse to forget.

Additionally:

1. Routine makeup look (full face or natural or no make-up, makeup look)

2. Keep your hair presentable.

3. Invest in your skincare.

4. Say no.

5. Reclaim your energy/time.

6. A gym membership (that you actually use).

7. Monthly solo dates (preferably dinner).

8. Buying flowers weekly.

9. Seeing an orthodontist.

10. Ending relationships that no longer serve you.

11. Develop a dependable weekly routine.

12. Speak up at the nail salon, hair salon, or wax spot.

13. A signature scent.

14. A membership at your favorite place.

15. Traveling (well-traveled).

16. Knowing a second language.