There’s something to be said about a woman who isn’t afraid of change. The ones who aren’t afraid to fail but also aren’t afraid to succeed. The ones who others look to for inspiration. The ones who others look at through jealous eyes simply because they don’t possess what she does. You know… The will. The power. The capacity… to change whatever it is that she doesn’t like about her life. And she does it so effortlessly (it seems).
Chop off the hair.
Change the city.
Change the career.
Enroll in those classes.
Seek the new degree.
Visit that country alone.
Change routes.
Change hair colors.
Change the wardrobe.
Change peers.
Change churches.
Change the heart.
Change the mind.
Change the life.
She’s dicey. She’s unpredictable. She’s often second-born. And risks and rewards are equally yoked for her. Neither is greater than the other.
I am her, and if I were to make a list for the women who want to become her, then here’s how it would read:
1. Every day of the week is fuck everybody day.
This is not a drill. Seriously, fuck everyone. To become the change you desire, you must first understand that the opinions of others do not hold relevancy in your court. Worrying about others will keep you where you are. I haven’t given a single fuck since I was a young girl. A kid. A child. And, til this day, I’m still wondering if I’ll ever have a fuck to give. I highly doubt it.
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday.
Never skip a day. If you do, you’ll regret it.
2. Pretend.
The moment you realize you want to become a better version of yourself, don’t wait. Start immediately. Speak as she would. Shop as she would. Laugh as she would. Write as she would. Travel as she would. Dress as she would.
Look like her. Act like her. Become her.
Practice makes perfect. Before I became the woman I am today, I auditioned daily for the role. Eventually, it became mine. Permanently if I chose it. However, because I am addicted to change, I am always striving to be a better version of myself.
3. Hold yourself accountable.
Talk to yourself. Take full responsibility for the person you are today. Understand that the only way for true change to happen is to be honest about where you are and where you want to be. Do not be afraid to look in the mirror. Do not be afraid to face the person staring back at you.
4. What you say to yourself matters most.
When the lights are off, and the comforter clings to your skin, the thoughts that arise are the ones that will fuel change. Or regression. Or stagnation. Or defeat. You must find the courage and the strength to remind yourself of where you are trying to go and how beautiful it’ll be once you get there. Think positively even when it’s not the easiest thing to do. Tell yourself more often than not that change is coming and patience is part of the process.
5. Track your habits.
Accountability is such a big part of this journey. You’ll need it every step of the way. Tracking your habits keeps you informed and helps you better understand where you began to go astray, how easily distracted you are, or how well you are doing. It also boosts your confidence when you see changes being made right before your eyes, even when they’re too small for you to notice.
6. Action.
Most changes occur when the words stop. Because the more someone talks about a change they’re about to make, the more I am certain they’re trying to convince themselves they should make it. The more they try to convince themselves, the more reasons they’ll find to believe otherwise.
The best way to tackle change is by creating actionable steps that will keep you quiet and BUSY. Don’t spend three weeks talking about a change that could’ve happened in two weeks. Don’t spend a month thinking about a change that could’ve taken six days. Don’t go to bed every night for a year dreaming about a change that would’ve taken ninety days.
Get a pen. Get some paper. Make an actionable plan that will keep you on track for change. Make sure you fill it with simple and complex action steps. This helps to keep you from feeling like you’re drowning in to-dos. It can be discouraging otherwise.
7. Never be afraid to unlearn.
It is the fastest form of change. The direct route. No shortcuts. No extra turns. A straight shot. Unlearning behaviors, habits, words, etc. that you’re acclimated with can be challenging. To untrain the brain is never an easy task. But, boy, is it a life-altering task.
8. Cry.
And, I mean ugly cry. I’ve never finished crying as the same person I started crying as. I’m instantly different. I didn’t make these rules. It just happens this way.
Along the path to change will be tears. Because change is scary and hard and altering and soul-stirring and uncertain and daunting. It’s not always fun. Sometimes it’s emotional and carries so much weight that you can barely keep your head high and your mouth above water.
9. Don’t give up.
You owe yourself change. Not the kind that just happens. Like the seasons and the weather and the rain and the age and the mobility and the wrinkles. No. The intentional kind. The one that steadily drums against your chest as you wait for it to arrive. The kind that builds character. The kind that adds layers. The kind that should be written in history books. The kind that makes life worth living.
And the only way this change will come is if you refuse to give up. The fight in your heart must mirror the one in your mind and in your limbs. Because there will be so many times you’ll want to forget the idea of change even existed in your brain. When your heart can’t fight any longer, your limbs will. When your mind can’t fight any longer, your heart will. When your limbs can’t fight any longer, your mind will. Just make sure they’re not giving up simultaneously.
10. Find someone ready for change too.
There have been so many times I’ve wanted to change something in my life and was prepared to make the changes alone. However, the mere mention of the change to my friend, child, mother, sibling, and I realized I didn’t have to make the change alone. Because they were considering the change, too, and needed the extra push your presence gave.
No one has to hold you accountable but YOU. However, having a second vote of confidence always helps.
11. Remember your why.
The change hardly ever matters. Again, change is so common that we hardly notice it sometimes. It’s always in our faces, but somehow we’re still blind to just how abundant it truly is.
This is the reason your why matters. Why you decided to go on the diet matters more than the diet. Why you decided to begin taking morning walks is more important than the walk. Why you stopped scrolling at night matters more than the scroll. Why you returned an overpriced car matters more than the price. Why you stopped drinking sodas matters more than the sodas.
Remembering your why is the foundation of your change. Never forget it.
12. Be okay with being a first as much as a last.
You will be the first to do many things. Breaking cycles is one of the number one reasons for initiating change. One wants to separate themselves from what was and begin to move toward what could be. This comes through discipline, strength, and the audacity to do it first.
Often, however, you will be the last to make the change. And it is just as important as being the first because they are often parallel.
Ex. Running a 5k race for the first time as a generational procrastinator who was born into a family that doesn’t value health. Yes, you might be the last one to complete the race, but a cycle has been broken, and you’re the first in your family who didn’t shelve your health.
Revisit these affirmations.
Change starts with me.
I am not where I want to be, but I am far from where I started.
Discipline will get me to places my strength can’t.
Things will be different soon, and I won’t feel the weight I’m carrying right now.
It can start with me.
Consistency will be my life partner.
I can do the things I put my mind to.
It’s tough, but I’m tougher.
I deserve everything this change will bring me.
Seasons are necessary.
Soon, I’ll harvest from the changes I’ve made to my garden.
No one else is responsible for the changes I desire.
I am not a victim.
Small changes can make big impacts.
I belong where I’m headed.
My fight won’t end until the change has happened.
Today, Substack notified me of my bestseller status. I felt it was the perfect time to announce something I’ve been working on for a few days now. Since I offered a supportive subscription (because I won’t be charging for my writing), I’ve been wondering how I can repay those who have shown interest and have been supporting this Substack while receiving the same content everyone receives… Well, I have a solution.
The Huffington Tapes:
—video/audio representation of ‘The Huffington Note’. this means, occasional audio and/or video uploads that address or expand on topics highlighted in the huffington note articles. the first audio/video releases on september 1. this section of ‘The Huffington Note’ will only be available to paid subscribers.
—audio/videos include:
poetry
girl/girl convos
article expansion
narrated posts (mostly fiction)
Remember: The writing on this Substack is FREE. For those who care to support my creativity can do so by subscribing below. Occasionally, you will receive something special.
Definitely needed this talk 😮💨. Thank you !
😘😘😘 you're doing biiiiig work Grey🥰