it's november and you're going to feel every fucking thing

here's how you're going to handle it

things i’ve learned about my favorite season have left me gutted over the years. it’s paramount to the others, but for so many questionable reasons.

autumn is a look inside your soul. a search within yourself. a scavenger hunt for your heart. a breeding ground for your anxiety. a challenge for your sanity. a song for your hardships.

september is the city of loss.

october is the realm of discomfort.

november is the foundation for newfound and buried feelings.

december is the birthday and the funeral.

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fall stretches you thin while simultaneously adding layers to withstand the turbulence it brings. it’s the most beautiful death you’ll ever witness. so much of you will die. but, so much of you will be born. i, wholeheartedly, believe that fall is the most pivotal season of the year for everyone.

it’s transformative.

it’s awakening.

it’s humbling.

it’s calm.

it’s quiet.

it’s a revelation in itself.

the quietness of fall forces you to dig deep within and discover who you are and who you want to become. it reminds you of the things you said you’d do and the goals you made when the ground was cold and the wind was stiff.

it taps you on your shoulder and tells you that you’ve yet to reach those milestones and that time isn’t quite up. it asks you to be sure you want to take certain parts of your life with you into a new year. it forces you to tally the times people in your life had you fucked up this year to make sure they’re still on the list of people you’re bringing into another year. it demands a look at your finances and bad spending habits. it pushes for a total overhaul of your wardrobe, contacts, junk drawers, social media, and all the other things that need a deep clean.

my God, is it taxing.

and…

november…

november is when you will feel it all.

every bit of everything.

here’s how we’re handling it.

listening to wordless music.

there’s enough going on in our heads already. so many words. so many thoughts. so many scenarios. so many things. the last thing we need is more words. more things to keep track of. more mysteries to solve. listening to music without words, preferably soft music, is like a delicate hug. a way to quiet the noise but fill the silence. it’s relaxing. soothing. calming. it reduces stress and relieves a bit of that heaviness in your chest.

meditating.

it doesn’t have to be for long. five minutes a day will keep your head on straight. align your body and mind by taking a second to tap into them both. choose the same time daily… find an app or meditation video you love… and have at it.

meditation has so many benefits for our mental and emotional health. it even improves our ability to focus when overwhelmed or under stress. meditation is also linked to reducing depression.

limiting our time on social media

i’m not one to be on social media often, but i know the entire world is. in a month as sensitive as november, i’m not opposed to a social cleanse altogether. but, for those who don’t want to go that route, how about we limit scrolling? how about putting a limit on your screentime?

seeing the ‘perfection’ on screen during a time when every part of you is experiencing extreme sensitivity is harsh. for you. your heart, your body, your mind, and your emotions. don’t harm yourself with aimless scrolling. put the phone down.

candle-lit baths.

one of the many little luxuries that make me feel good after only the first candle is lit…

i’m not sure what it is about bathing and darkness and candles that is so freeing, but we’re doing more of that this november. pair it with the next coping mechanism and possibly the first—and BAM. november and her emotions hardly stands a chance.

reading.

we’re reading this november. i’m not talking long, drawn-out books that feels like yet another task. i’m talking short, quick reads that can make you feel better soon.

a few books to start your november—sensitivity, muse, my person, as we learn, just wanna mean the most to you, maid fohr love, unhand me, peace & quiet, whose love story is it anyway, and the list goes on.

i am working on a list of books for the lover girls in november. stay tuned.

ending calls sooner.

there’s nothing that hits you harder than feeling like you’ve overshared after the sharing has ended. or feeding into an emotional trap. or sitting in your emotions much longer than necessary. or saying things you didn’t mean. or wishing you could take words back.

one thing i’ve learned is to not take calls or make calls when i am in a rut. it has never ended well for me. i’ve hardly ever ended up feeling better about the things i felt bad about before taking or making the call. it’s hard to when you’re in the feeling.

ending calls sooner, not taking them, or not making any until you’re truly ready will save you more sadness and unnecessary heaviness. if no other time of the year, choose this time to sit with those feelings and work through them before picking up the phone (unless you’re considering harming yourself or someone else. please reach out.).

quick replies for missed calls will set boundaries for your emotions that you’ll thank yourself for later.

hey, i’ll call you tomorrow.

i’m not taking calls at the moment.

i’ll return your call later this week.

now is not a good time.

or simply silencing your phone.

stepping outside to catch some fresh air.

this is the most underrated (and free) coping mechanism i’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing. it has never failed anyone i’ve ever discussed it with. stepping outside into the fresh air to clear your heart and free your mind is undefeated. it opens up your airways, urging your to breathe and to release and to let go of anything that’s holding your thoughts captive.

watching movies that feel nostalgic.

okay, tossing this one in somewhere felt necessary. there are some movies that just does it for me. i hardly turn the television on. the occasion is incredibly rare. but, if it happens to be november and the screen is lit up, it’s usually because i need to feel the way the movie i’m watching made me feel the first time i saw it.

no additional commitments.

don’t say you will do it. don’t volunteer to do it. don’t try to make it. don’t say you’ll be there. don’t commit to anything that isn’t required of you in november. use your free time to rest and prepare for the reset december offers.

journaling.

it doesn’t have to be a full page. it doesn’t have to be a half page. it can be a few sentences. it can be one sentence. write it down. make it known that your feelings are real. they’re facts. so the work can begin within to dissolve them.

dancing.

have you ever tried moving your body to release your inhibitions? slow, uncalculated movements that have no sense of urgency or direction? because you’re not telling your body what to do or how to move. your heart is. your troubles are discovering their escape route and getting closer with each move you make.

try it.

it doesn’t matter how silly it looks or how silly it feels at first. it’s liberating. it’s altering. it’s pivotal. it brings about change.

exercising for at least 15 minutes a day.

move around. it doesn’t have to be extensive, but get your body moving. meditation, dancing, and stepping out for fresh air often have similar results to exercising under stress. however, with exercising, you are contributing a little more to your physical health, which make some feel a bit better about everything, including/especially themselves.

making small goals.

the cheat code to overcoming the november blues is tapping into instant gratification. we’re not going grand. we’re keeping it small and we’re remaining victorious. because those small wins will be the hit of dopamine we need to stay afloat.

so, let’s do this instead of that.

plan to work out 15 minutes a day instead of 60 minutes a day.

cooking dinner four times this week instead of seven.

clearing twenty emails instead of one hundred.

returning one call this week instead of all three.

sending four important emails instead of ten.

losing two pounds this week instead of four.

the list goes on.

encouraging ourselves daily.

you have to. if you want to survive november’s emotional torture, you must tell yourself you can and will. otherwise, she will drag you into december with a broken heart, head, and soul.

buy a sticky pad. write down 10-20 affirmations. stick them in places you frequent.

• the car.

• the bathroom.

• the closet.

• the vanity mirror.

• the kitchen fridge.

• the pantry.

• the bedside table.

• the doors.

• the hallway

leave no room for doubt, or november will do you dirty.

cry.

don’t hold it in. don’t toughen it out. don’t shove it down. i’ve learned that crying is the cousin of growth. change. alterations. if the tears are present, something is shifting. not even a home’s foundation stays the same when water is involved. neither will you. you’ll shift, too.

don’t be afraid to let the tears fall. anyone knows a good cry will lead to good sleep and you won’t wake up the same person.

giving ourselves grace.

lastly, we’re giving ourselves grace, and we’re starting with our hands around us. squeezing. the world is harsh enough. we have to give grace when needed. if no other month of the year, november is the one.

it’s okay the laundry is piling. you’ll get to it.

it’s okay your car needs cleaned. you’ll get to it.

it’s okay you haven’t had the energy to cook every day. you still ate.

it’s okay you missed a day at the gym. you’ll be there tomorrow.

it’s okay.

daylight savings is beating our asses with a brick already. don’t join the fight.

edit: november already told me my edits were perfect but i’ve found six mistakes since publishing. i really do not trust this woman.