summer sessions 03: so fucking vain + so damn chic - a guide

Summer Session 03: The Summer Accessories Guide

Most times when the word vain enters the chat, noses turn and eyes roll and egos are bruised and teeth grind and deep inhales swallow up nearly all the available oxygen around us. Because vain girls, historically, have been deemed useless girls. Troubled girls. Difficult girls. Even dumb girls.

But I beg to differ. Well, not quite beg. I don’t recall begging for anything in my life. It’s rather tasteless, frankly. So, let’s retrace. What I meant was… I disagree.

Snobby.

Conceited.

Selfish.

Haughty.

Unorthodox.

I’d accept those. But I’d also challenge what she’s being compared to or who she’s being compared to. Because history also says that women are meant to be servants caretakers of the home, the husband, the children, and the family structure.

Judging by the parameters history has placed around the idea of what or who a woman is, then the world would like you to believe vain women are useless, troublesome, and difficult. But, truthfully, she’s in tune with the one person she was supposed to forget while continuing to fuel the lifestyle, ego, image, structure, and fire of others.

She’s aware.

Self-aware.

She’s a wanderer.

She’s a wonder.

She’s rare.

And the idea of her existence makes the hairs on the back of necks stand. She rubs most the wrong way. Others want to be her or be next to her or be with her or strip her of the power she possesses.

It’s not her words or her accolades that precede her. Neither is it her position or status or financials. It’s not about where she’s been or what she’s done or what she’s seen. It’s about one thing— One very important thing to her. One that is prioritized day and night and evening and afternoon and wee hours.

It’s her beauty.

And while that might sound senseless, it makes perfect sense. To me.

Without ever saying the words to me, my mother demonstrated one thing that I carry with me like a shield of honor.

How you show up matters more than what you’re saying, how you’re doing, or what you’ve done. If you don’t present yourself well, no one is going to care about anything that comes from your mouth or how much better than the next person you can get the job done. Show up your best self, every time. Everywhere.

That was never said to me, but it was translated through my mother’s actions. And that has led me to believe that vain girls are the best kind of special. They’re a lovely kind of woman. They’re a rare species. While the world wants them to remain endangered, I am doing my part to make sure they aren’t.

So, I dedicate this series to the girls who can’t stand to miss a nail appointment, never ‘throws’ something on, creates her entire schedule around her maintenance appointments, hunts down their estheticians, has a forty-step skincare routine, understands fashion, dresses according to their build, wardrobes are filled with flattering pieces, are always put together, study looks, can put together a killer fit with their eyes partially closed, smell as good as they look, and turn every head in the room when they walk in–unintentionally. Because we don’t do it for everyone else. We actually do it for ourselves.

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When I became a woman (because it didn’t happen at 18 like the law would have you believe or at 21 when the bar is yours to have), there weren’t fireworks and applause. Neither were there bells and awards.

Actually, there was silence and a deep, profound feeling of self-awareness. The realization hit me like a violin just a few feet away, belting my favorite slow jams, so perfectly and so intentionally.

I was heavily moisturized, on my second layer of perfume, and sliding on the one thing I love more than perfume—jewelry.

The hairs on my arms and back and neck stood. My body tingled. My eyes pricked with salty, uncried tears that never fell. A smile stretched my lips across my face, and I choked.

I choked out a deep, resonating breath of disclosure. For I was no longer a kid. No longer wondering if I was truly a woman, inside and out. No longer waiting for the bills, children, home, or lifestyle to confirm my closeness to womanhood.

I was there.

Finally. It was silky skin, layers of my favorite fragrance, and accessories that told me so. Nothing big. Nothing over the top. Just moisturizer. Just perfume. Just accessories. And the freedom to wear as much as I wanted to, buy as much as I wanted to, have as much as I wanted to, and take as much time as I wanted to, to put them on my skin. In my home. In my bathroom. In my solitude.

So, it’s only right that I continue the summer sessions with one of those things that made me realize I’d become a woman. A woman that I am proud of.

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Accessories aren’t the bread or the butter of summer. They’re both. They can make the simplest outfit unforgettable. They aren’t optional this summer. They’re required, and I have created a list of the ones you should invest in.

Images aren’t included, but they have been sourced from Pinterest. Here’s the board.

Scarves/Scarfs

So underrated, so necessary. Not every day will be a fabulous hair day. Not every outfit will pop. Not every wind will be quiet every day. For this, we need scarves. All colors. All patterns. All kinds. They’re truly the hidden treasures of summers.

Rings

My absolute favorite. You’ll often see me with one on each finger. Simpler days and the Cartier pieces are enough. However, there will never be a day that I won’t have rings on. If so, I’m likely unwell. Rings elevate your presence. Not only do they add flair, but they contribute so much to your aesthetic. They do so much heavy lifting and are so versatile. Not only can they turn a dull outfit into a moment, but they also carry the weight of unforgettable fits, giving them the push they need to be considered APPALLING.

Bracelets + Watches

I’d like to copy and paste the section above because bracelets/watches and rings are one and the same. They allude to richness. They tell those who encounter you… she cares… she knows… she’s tasteful… she’s aware… she’s iconic.

A good watch and bracelet combo are undefeated. It’s sickening. It’s timeless. It’s chic.

Necklaces

Whether dainty or blinding, there’s something to be said about necklaces in the summer. Gold against the sexy, dewy summer skin is just too good to pass on.

Stacks or a single, thin chain. They all work.

Anklets

Listen, don’t fear. Take it a step further. There’s something ultra-chic about the woman who wears an anklet. It’s not often you see them, but a double-take is almost always the result. A woman in an anklet lets me know a few things about her without even knowing her name.

She’s hot.

She’s cool.

She has a few rituals that not even her pastor can force her to break.

She has boundaries, whether soft or stern.

Earrings

Don’t leave the house without them. Just like rings, earrings can completely transform an ordinary outfit. Keep costume earrings for the moments you want to enhance your look. For the day-to-day, a pair of genuine diamond earrings will be just enough.

Belts (waist chains)

I was headed to a concert in a monochrome look. It was cute, especially with the shoes I’d chosen. However, I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something.

The rings were on my fingers. The earrings were in my ears. The bracelets… everything was there. Still, something was missing. I searched my accessories, hoping something would stand out and grab my attention.

I didn’t have to wait long. A purse chain I planned to add to my LV wallet for a bit of flair fell underneath my nails. I snatched it up, along with a scarf.

Insta-love.

My look had managed to climb six levels. I don’t purchase belts for their intended use (keeping your pants up). I purchase them as accessories. If it can’t enhance my wardrobe, it doesn’t belong in it. Simple rules.

Sunglasses

Aside from protecting your eyes from the sun, sunnies are a good time. They are a vibe. They are a mood. They are stars in the show.

Pro-Tip: For the girls who wear glasses, get your prescription on transitional lenses and thank yourself later.

Seeing a woman in sunnies makes my heart smile. Cause… immediately yes, girlfriend.

Handbags

Oh honey, make sure your lineup is stacked. If nothing else, make sure there are three black bags (oversized, clutch, and a crossbody), a woven bag, a bucket bag, a beach bag, and an overnight bag in your closet.

And, if nothing else, make sure your concert and nightlife bags are TOP TIER. Learn from my mistakes.

I was in Houston, TX a few years ago. All the men had brought their significant others. It was a last-minute trip, so I tossed everything I thought I’d need in my suitcase. When it came down to the clutch for the night activities, I was lazy. I decided to remove the strap of my everyday bag and disguise it as an evening/night bag.

Needless to say, I regretted it the moment I stepped foot out of the car. Honestly, I regretted it before we left our hotel room. The ladies had not come to play, and I’d been playing since I decided not to bring the proper purse.

I wasn’t vain. Honey, I was pitiful and hated every second.

I called my mother the next day, and we had a good laugh about it, but I vowed to NEVER do that again. In fact, I’m still haunted by that decision today. It sparked my addiction to wallets, minis, and ‘concert’ bags.

While bags are a simple detail to others, they are personalities for me. I can tell you a few things about a woman by the bag she’s wearing sometimes.

Hair jewelry

The candle on the cake. Hair accessories include claws, beads, stones, clips, pins, and hoops. They are the extra step that is almost always necessary if the style allows it.

Yes. Yes. And, hell yes.

Toe rings

Just try it. I think they’re chic. Like anklets and hair jewelry and dainty necklaces. A woman with a collection of toe rings is a badass in my book.

She’s eccentric.

She’s divine.

She gets it.

She knows something.

Headbands

Revisit the scarf section for this one. They serve the same purposes and deserve space in your wardrobe.

Cellphone case

They matter. I promise. Ditch the old beat-up case and get you something chic, cute, or sexy. Your cell is an extension of you. You spend more time with it than anything else in your world, most likely. Make sure it reflects how you want to feel inside and out. Not to mention it’s an awesome conversation starter.

When I see a woman with a pretty phone case, she’s instantly a new friend of mine. It doesn’t matter if we never share two words.

Work bag/computer bag

I feel the same way about handbags as I do about a computer or work bag. Don’t choose this mindlessly. It needs to make a statement. It needs to say something. It needs to make you feel something. It needs to heal something you didn’t know was hurting. It needs to be BADASS.

Cause girl… Hell yeah.

Water bottle

Don’t settle for whatever the store has. Take the time to see what’s on the market (while not giving into consumerism). See which bottle matches your personality and aesthetic. Choose wisely and accessorize it if you’re into that kind of thing. Drinking water in style helps me get those ounces down easier.

A woman carrying a water bottle that matches her personality shouts chic. Because, not only is her health on her mind, but so is her presentation. A big plastic cup would’ve sufficed, but it didn’t fit the mold. The look. The vibe. The aesthetic. The fit. The woman.

Tote

Not every tote deserves your attention. There. I said it. Don’t pick it up because the internet has it. Find one that suits you. Suits your lifestyle. Serves its purpose. And make it your everything bag.

Hats

The ultimate head accessory. They save lives. Restores confidence. Gets you by until that hair appointment. I’m a sucker for a good hat, and my collection is extensive. I am a girl who dares to be undone. Hats are one of the secrets in a vain woman’s wardrobe. She might not wear them often because her hair is always laid, but the moment she needs them, they line her closet like buttery, long-sleeved tops in the winter months.

Ah. Another session down. A few more to go. Next time, we’re tackling the Summer Itinerary. Pen and paper needed. We’re talking wind-down bars, Sunday plans, brunch with the girls, and more.

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If you enjoyed this, you’d love my snail mail club, The September Letter. Permission to pause shows up in your mailbox every month along with extra goodies that remind you of the slowness, softness, and stillness of September. The list is open now. Go ahead and start your letters.