to the girls ready to be sickeningly feminine - a rulebook #2
because we're all searching for that side of us.
I sighed, starting this post. I mean, actually sighed, because all week I’ve been trying to put words here. But I reminded myself of those rituals I mentioned in the last post. I don’t want my Substack to become a routine thing for me. It has been a ritual since I started, and I want to keep it that way.
I’ve already put it in my book; weekends are for Substack writing. Sundays, especially.
Admittedly, it feels incredible to write leisurely. I am a national best-selling author with a plan so strategic and specific that I hardly have time to think about play projects or fun projects or writing non-fiction pieces that will provoke thought and change.
However, my little Substack did. Almost 3,000 people have come across the first issue in this series. If I was to say that didn’t stir some goodness in my soul, then I’d be lying.
See, because here’s the thing…
I’m a sucker for womanhood. I live and breathe the evolution of the woman. It doesn’t matter where she is in her journey, I always think there is room for women to grow—and it doesn’t matter the pace. So, I’ve written book after book after book, hoping my fictional stories depict the true passion I have for the growth of women. When I started my Substack, I knew what my main topic would be and why. It was never a question.
Girlhood.
Softness.
Sex.
Stillness.
Seasons.
Love.
Fiction.
Femininity.
Change.
Slowness.
It all boils down to one thing. It all surrounds one type of person. The woman.
To the women reading this post.
Thank you for returning. I appreciate you so much.
The person you’re striving to become is on her way.
Growth is growth. Whether fast or slow.
This Substack is dedicated to you.
Share these posts with someone you love.
Things will get better.
Okay, now… for the rulebook.
Never be too quick to turn down assistance.
Feminine women do not pretend to know it all, do it all, see it all, or have it all. In fact, feminine women will appear to have everything and nothing simultaneously. Why? Because she has never been too quick to turn down assistance, in platonic or romantic relationships. But, especially in romantic relationships.
I don’t have the exact words, but my mother has always told me to be needy even if you aren’t when it comes to men. If they think for a second you have it handled, that will be the moment you lose your right to femininity in your relationship.
I have found this to be true. I am not saying that you must turn into a totally dependent person, but I am saying watch what you are quick to take on or tackle in a man’s presence, and when he is away. Your job isn’t to do everything by yourself. It doesn’t matter how much free time you have on your hands or how strong you are.
When you show your strength, you will have to use it for the rest of your life. Platonically and romantically.
If your mother wants to help you with laundry this week… let her.
If your man wants to take you to the eye doctor for new glasses this week… let him.
If your best friend wants to get the children while you take a nap… let her.
If your man wants to buy dinner so you don’t have to cook tonight… let him.
Remove statements like these from your vocabulary:
No, it’s fine. I’ve got it.
Oh, I can handle it.
I can take care of it.
Don’t worry, I’ll get to it.
Let somebody else handle it if you can!
The feminine woman leaves her plate as empty as possible because she knows that with free time comes rest. And, rest is a requirement for femininity.
Add value to conversations.
A feminine woman understands the importance of value. If she has nothing to add to a conversation, she doesn’t join. Instead, she listens and waits for the opportunity to insert herself or be called upon when topics she is well-versed in arise.
She is not quick to jump into chatter just to be heard or seen. In fact, she’d rather not be either. Again, femininity is loud and obnoxious itself. She doesn’t have to say a word.
One way feminine women are making sure they are bringing value to conversations is by continuing their education. Not all feminine women have a college degree or any certifications. However, they are learners and continue to educate themselves every chance they get.
They are hungry for knowledge. It doesn’t matter if it’s the precise moment to remove your browned butter from the stove for the homemade chocolate chip cookie recipe everyone would love. Or, if it’s the condition of the stock market. Or, the best home remedy for a bee sting. Or, if it’s the book of the Bible that mentions adultery at great length. Or, if it’s details on the best wedding venues in the city.
Basically, it doesn’t have to be ABCs. Feminine women have a wide palette when it comes to knowledge. There’s hardly any telling what they truly know or how helpful they can truly be.
Create a nighttime ritual that makes your mornings smoother/easier.
Ritual. That part is important.
One thing I’ve noticed about the woman in survival mode versus the woman living in her ultra-feminine era (that lasts a lifetime) is the preparation. Feminine women don’t think about the time it takes to make their lives easier. They don’t.
It doesn’t matter if rolling their hair at night takes an hour. They understand the consequences and that their arms will be tired. But, gosh… they also understand how long it takes curls to set and how much volume those curls will have. They are also aware of how incredible their results will be.
One thing to note: They aren’t doing it for others. They’re doing it for themselves.
A feminine woman doesn’t mind taking twenty minutes to complete their eight-step skincare ritual or their ten-step shower ritual or their four-step moisturizing ritual.
The feminine woman is about results. And time is a non-factor in their eyes. Because time doesn’t exist when it comes to their rituals. It only exists when they’re in routine.
They carve out time for preparation and will not bend or break when it comes to it. Not because of anything or anyone but themselves. Breaking rituals for her is worse than breaking a promise to herself.
Because that’s what rituals are to her.
Promises to take care of her.
Promises to show her love.
Promises to take a moment for herself.
Promises to always remember her.
Promises to be there.
Promises to meet in the same place at the same time to catch up.
Be kind.
Feminine women are NOT mean girls. Until this day, I consider the mean girl trait a trauma response or a character flaw. Feminine women understand it takes too much energy to be anything but kind and pleasant more often than not.
By no means am I saying feminine women are pushovers. Nope.
What I’m saying is that feminine women do not sink to the level of most. They require them to elevate and reach the level they are currently on. It goes back to this point I made in the last set of rules…
And, believe it or not, she makes others want to speak better, speak up, act better, or simply have some tact. Her body language and secretly sensual nature naturally make others want to impress her with their ability to be as refined, radiant, and ravishing as her.
She’s the originator of influence. The OG influencer.
Feminine women radiate kindness. I mean, you can hear it and feel it and see if from so far away. It’s infectious and rare and alluring. And, it’s hardly an act.
Because, honestly, the truly feminine women do not have it in them to keep up a facade for as long as their kindness lasts.
Never beg.
Begging is beneath the feminine woman; asking is not. A feminine woman knows what she’s entitled to, and asking for it usually doesn’t happen. Mainly because just like a feminine woman knows what she’s entitled to, so does everyone around her.
And, they are happy to give it to her. Oftentimes, it’s more. In the event that she is not given what she rightfully deserves, then she will live without it.
I will not be explaining.
Look good, even when no one is looking.
Femininity doesn’t come to a halt when you don’t have a crowd to witness it. It’s a twenty-four-hour commitment.
At home.
At work.
At the salon.
At the nail appointment.
At the doctor’s.
At the children’s school.
At the gym.
At the DMV.
At the grocery store.
At the park.
If there’s no other type of woman I can spot anywhere, it’s a feminine woman. She’s just different. She’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Everything about her makes you wonder or smile or aspire or consider or recommit to your own goals.
She’s a walking billboard for commitment, loyalty, and dedication to self. She’s the poster girl for what could happen if you focused on yourself for a few minutes out of the day.
She’s not choosing sweats every day. She’s trading them for tailored pants. She’s not in sneakers every time you see her. In fact, the only sneakers she owns are for running, walking, or the gym. She’s in slingbacks, mules, loafers, flats, or boots.
She is not wearing a bonnet outside of her home. Garments worn inside her personal quarters are off limits for outside, public places, or government buildings.
She’s not only tidy outside of her home… She’s a kempt woman inside, behind closed doors, too.
She loves:
Silk gowns
Robes
Satin pillow cases
Flexi rods
Fuzzy socks
Pajama sets
House shoes
Silk hair ties
Rollers
Bonnets
Headbands
And her nightly readers (glasses)
Don’t diet. Change your eating habits completely.
The feminine woman is hardly dieting but forever altering her lifestyle to match her fitness/health goals.
The feminine woman is not complaining to others the second a compliment about her rolls from their tongue. Her security is set.
“You look amazing in that dress.”
“Oh, girl, I’m trying to lose a little of this weight to look even better.”
She allows compliments.
Makes changes. Silently.
The feminine woman understands that an overall purge of habits that no longer reflect her goals is far more effective than any diet. Because diets get old fast. The change of lifestyle is a pivot that will become background noise after your body and mind adjust. It becomes part of who you are instead of what you’re doing for the moment.
Well, that was quick. We’re already at 1,600+ words, and 1,500 was my maximum. That’s it for now. This series will continue. There are so many more points to be made. If you haven’t already, please share with a friend. Until next time, girls…
xo,
grey
You are one of my fav author and your books help me to put words into the woman I want to become: a woman who wants to help other women thrive,a soft, powerful and beautiful inside out woman who is intentional about herself and her energy. 💓💓💓💓
I love this part 2 🩷 it makes me feel good just reading about basking in my feminine energy. I’ve learned so much, thank you.