to the good pxssy girls

things we're doing to keep our privates smelling, looking, and feeling good

To the girls who are ready to liberate their labia and produce a pleasant secretion on that 7.5-inch plow for your garden… here are the secrets to your pxssy’s power.

There’s been a saying for ages amongst the older women when it comes to younger women and the care they take of their vaginas/lives. Though hard to hear, it has served its purpose for years and years, and is still being recited regularly. It’s always accompanied by either a look of disgust or disappointment, because something has gone astray. Be it life, a relationship, a friendship, a situationship, or the hygiene of the woman on the receiving end of this famous phrase.

“You don’t even know how to clean your pxssy yet.”

*winces*

My God, that’s tragic.

As diminishing as it is, it’s sometimes (if not 90% of the time) true. While it is a double-edged sword, meaning you’re not old enough or seasoned enough to have the proper knowledge of whatever the topic at hand is OR you actually don’t know how to properly clean your vagina because you’re practically still a baby, let’s dive into the actual facts that have led us to this entry.

Older women, most of them, possess a cleanliness (down there) that has come from trial and error. They’ve taken bits from their friends and bits from their own experiences to become seasoned in that area.

Literally and figuratively.

While I’m not one of them, I have taken an interest in the cleanliness and vaginal health of women because I’m a female (gasps). I’m a girl who likes glittery things, including my pxssy.

I’d like to say that I’ve learned a few things that help keep my pxssy in great health. Instead of too much trial and too much error on your part, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned and how I’ve managed to keep a glittery pxssy —inside and out.

ditch the dirty rags

If you wouldn’t put it on your face, it should not go on your vagina. The skin is just as sensitive and easily irritated. Towels hold a disgusting amount of bacteria that should not touch your private areas (or any area, honestly).

Treat your vagina like a fresh breakout. Handle it with care and be cautious of what (and who) has access to it.

Instead, use disposable cloths that are gentle on your skin and don’t hold the bacteria of a 3-day-old wash rag that hangs to dry after showers.

(Hint: Toss your rag after each shower/bath, anyway. You’re just putting dirt back on your body by reusing it.)

gentle exfoliation

We’re hairy creatures. At least most of us are. Pubic hair often results in ingrown hairs. It’s a pain. An unwanted one, but we’ve all experienced it. Some of us more than others.

Those disposable cloths I mentioned a second ago… they serve as gentle exfoliants. The cloths with the deep ridges and grooves will be your good girlfriends. Choose them wisely.

(While I’d love to suggest some with links, I want you to choose what’s best/feels right for your cooch.)

These gentle exfoliants will nudge those stubborn ingrown hairs out of your skin more often than not. It will also uproot those you can’t see or are unaware of. Because those hairs will eventually result in hair bumps (another problem we want to avoid).

the skin care routine

How often do you treat your pussy (we’re all girls here, let’s stop the code spelling for Christ’s sake) to a spa day? Or even a good rub (and I don’t mean your clit).

A good, natural preventative measure to ingrown hairs, hair bumps, chaffing, and darkened private parts is moisturizing.

Every day.

Lotions. Oils. Butters. The good ones.

Just like your face has a skincare routine, your pussy should too. Carve out thirty seconds to care for your cooch.

If you’re in pursuit of the pretty, pristine pussy like the girls at the spa who love the nude pools because their bikini lines were made for it, then do as they do.

Treat your pussy like you love it.

Don’t just shove it into panties after a shower. Cleanse it. Exfoliate it. Tweeze it. Tone it. Moisturize it. Massage it even… if you have time.

softer periods

If you’re a tampon lover, please disregard this one and keep reading. I am not trying to convince you not to do what’s best for your lifestyle/schedules.

There’s something that doesn’t feel quite right about bending down and lodging a stick of (what they say is) cotton up my vagina and keeping it there all day, guarded by my walls as it expands (sometimes to the point of pain) from my blood.

After years of feeling worse and worse about the idea of tampons, ditching them became my pussy’s greatest execution. Because, to be honest, I hardly want anything inside of me but some d—.

For softer periods:

• ditch tampons

• try natural pads + liners

• try (a personal fav) period panties

• try (a personal fav) reusable cloth pads

• try (a personal fav) reusable cloth bed pads (the incredibly large kind that they use at the nursing homes)

Reusable/washable cloth products are so much gentler on the vulva. Periods don’t feel like life-halting events. They just feel… better.

Try it. I’m not sure you’ll ever return to the (supposedly) cotton sticks or plastic cushions we stick to our panties.

Admittedly, Rael is my favorite brand of reusable pads. I swore I wouldn’t name brands in this post, but this is an honorary mention.

study her

Who is your vagina? What’s her name? What does she like? What products don’t agree with her? Is she a sweaty little thing or is she a cooling plant? What cut of panties does she like best? How does she feel near that time of the month? What is her state during ovulation?

Keep a small pussy notepad. Take note of the things she does, loves, hates, and her behaviors. Treat her like the living thing she is. She’s no different than a stomach or brain or limbs or mouth.

Study her. Educate yourself. And, handle her according to your findings.

cotton, bamboo, or silk panties (most days)

More often than not, use cotton (or other natural material like silk). Save the lace panties for the good days and the thin thong for the special occasions.

Cotton is:

• natural

• breathable

• helps maintain your PH balance

• captures/absorbs moisture on those slippery days

The same goes for bamboo

Silk is:

• soft

• breathable

• absorbant

• gentle on your pubic area

Stay away from synthetics as much as you can. They are practically polluting your pussy.

soak sometime

Showers are incredible, but after a shower, sit her in some water every now and again. Water runs over, down, under, etc, her in the shower. Put her in the tub (a clean one, after a shower).

Especially if:

• he hammered you to the bed

• you had on jeans that weren’t the most comfortable

• you’re slightly swollen

• you’re hurting

probiotics

We take vitamins for better health. We eat food to keep from getting sick/starving. We take meds when we have a headache. We—

Basically, we consume to prevent, maintain, or get rid of. Consider probiotics your vaginal medication.

The benefits, you ask? Fine.

Benefits of probiotics:

• reduces vaginal dryness

• maintains your PH balance (or gets it back on track)

• improves fertility

• prevents infections (also treats them)

• reduces odors and unwanted discharge

• keeps your vagina happy (healthy)

• fights bad bacteria, keeps good bacteria safe

• strengthens your immune system

Hopefully, that convinces you to at least look into probiotics. They’re worth a try. Your pussy would be proud of you.

diet

Honestly, the better I eat, the better I smell and feel. Everywhere. There aren’t any frozen foods in my freezer… There are 84 frozen 12-oz juices that I replenish religiously.

(My juicer has seen better days, but who cares?)

Why?

Because a juice a day keeps my pussy in better shape. It’s true. Though I usually have two a day, even one keeps me in good standing.

You want to consume foods rich in probiotics, antioxidants, vitamin C, and omega-3 fatty acids.

Good food for your vagina:

• berries (strawberries, blueberries, etc)

• lemons

• avocados

• cranberries

• kiwis

• pomegranates

• yogurt

• sweet potatoes

• apples

• leafy greens

• dark chocolate

• WATER

• oranges

Keep your pussy in mind when hunger is knocking at your belly.

soap?

mild, if any.

Your pussy is a big girl, and she can clean herself. However, if you want to give her a hand, be gentle. Harsh, fragrant soaps are not for her. Be mindful of all the chemicals inside the soaps you’re using to keep her ‘fresh’.

smell yourself

Know that if you can smell yourself, likely someone else can. Subtle checks to make sure everything is good down there will keep you in the know about your girl downstairs.

Do not be afraid to check yourself. It’s as simple as raising your arm to make sure you haven’t sweated through that layer of deodorant you put on.

front to back

Sit up on that toilet and pull that tissue from the front to the back. Yes, this should be a given, but sometimes you just have to say it.

Don’t clutter your crotch with dirt. Swipe it away by cleaning your front first and carrying it to the back.

post-sex hygiene

Whether it was alone or with a partner, here’s what you should be doing after sex.

• clean yourself (shower, warm towel, or wipe)

• take a pee (prevent UTIs and push out that bacteria)

• clean your toys after EVERY use

• do not reuse condoms

• do not dush

• avoid fragrant soaps, hand soap, etc

• put on breathable panties

• soak (if you’re swollen, sore, etc)

The minutes after sex are crucial to your vaginal health. If you have even a pinch of energy, use it to get your girl together.

Things I’d suggest that don’t need a section of their own:

• keep tweezers (for those pesky hairs)

• ditch the razor + hair removal creams (let’s go laser or wax)

• clean your nails before your playdates

• be selective about who enters your gates

• check your nails before sticking them inside of you to prevent micro-tearing (a layer of protection just in case helps prevent this torture as well)

• do not stick items inside of you that are intended for that purpose

• let her breathe at night sometimes

• wear panties with fabrics that aren’t cotton or silk

• be nice to her

• change your underwear regularly (and often)

• check the color of your discharge often (brown, smelly, or too thick isn’t okay)

whew.

Gosh, this entry could go on for days, but I’ll stop here. I think we’ve covered enough for you to never hear that dreaded phrase. I’m hoping this post sees the light of day. I’ve been considering deleting it for a full 72 hours now.